


What She Knows

by dessertmeltdown



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-21
Updated: 2012-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-29 21:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/324302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dessertmeltdown/pseuds/dessertmeltdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River knows things she shouldn’t know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What She Knows

She knows she shouldn’t have these memories. They aren’t hers to have. Don’t belong in her head. But she hears them, feels them. Things in her head that would make any person have nightmares. Toss and turn all night. Like a little child. Monster in the closet. Skeleton in the closet.

“Comes back to haunt you.”

She doesn’t know what she’s saying. She rarely does, yet she says it anyway. Feels it’s important to get it out. Like she doesn’t have a choice. She thinks that’s the way they wanted it.

Wanted to use her. Wanted her to do their bidding. Anything they wanted. Whatever. Whenever. Wherever.

“River?”

Simon. She looks up with a blank expression. Hears him but doesn’t say anything to acknowledge the fact. Just looks.

“Are you feeling okay today, River?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.”

“Better or worse. It doesn’t matter. They’ll keep sending them. Keep coming. They need to find her. They will find her. No matter how far she gets. They’ll keep coming,” she’s calm and quiet when she says it. Like it’s no big deal.

“River, don’t say that. You know we’re safe here.”

He believes it. She feels the faith he has in the captain and his crew come off of him in waves. Knows he trusts the ship and it’s crew with his life now. She should. Can’t though. Knows that it doesn’t mean a thing. But she doesn’t want her brother to worry. He worries too much.

“Safe.”

She repeats the word. Safe. She feels it, but knows it’s false. Knows The Alliance won’t stop. Two by two. Hands of blue. Won’t stop coming. Won’t stop until she’s back where she belongs. Back with them.

She wonders out of the room. The ship is big. It hums and whirls almost like it’s talking to her. Telling her Simon is right.

The captain is close. His thoughts are always loud. She always knows when he’s close. She follows the sound of his thoughts and finds him standing in the cargo bay, assessing space or some such. Job coming up soon.

“Your brother know you’re out here, darlin’?”

His voice is calming, almost, despite the unease her thoughts give her.

“Simon knows I’m not with him.”

“Course. Good to hear it,” he pauses, “That doesn’t exactly answer my question.”

River looks up at the captain sharply.

“Simon doesn’t know I’m right here, in this exact spot. No.”

And the captain laughs. Thinks. _Simon was right. She is a brat._ And River smiles, just barely, because it’s a fond thought. No hostility.

“You like Simon.”

And Mal is surprised by the words, even though he knows them to be true. Everyone knows them to be true.

“That’s the general idea, yes.”

“Good. Because I might have to kill you otherwise.”

There’s a brief moment where she’s sure he thinks she’s serious. Thinks she might actually do it. So she grins, slightly, to show him she’s not River, the genius whose brain has been meddled with by the government right now. She’s River, the bratty little sister, who feels the need to tease someone her brother really likes.

Mal gives a quick smile and turns back to the task at hand. River wanders around the cargo bay, looking in compartments and empty spaces until there is nowhere else to look. She knows every part of this ship now, even places she’s not sure the captain knows about. That doesn’t stop her from poking around when she gets the ache to do so. She’s curious by nature. That was part of why they wanted her in the first place.

“River?”

Simon comes into the cargo bay looking for her. She knew he would. Protective. Always wants to know where she was. What she’s doing.

“Here.”

She spins around as she spoke. Looks at him with a soft smile. She feels his relief. She often wonders why he worries if he feels so safe on board the ship. Wonders if he thinks something will happen to her or he thinks she might do something. Something she shouldn’t.

 _A ticking time bomb._ She hears it in the thoughts of most of the members of the crew. She is a danger. Dangerous. Never know when she could do something. Simon thinks it. She knows he tries not to, but it’s there. In his mind. Always in the back.

“She’s not bothering you, is she?”

“Not bothering,” she speaks softy, “Talking. Not bothering.”

“Don’t worry about it. She’s not bothering me,” the captain smiles

Soft smile. River knows that smile is reserved for certain times, when no one else is around. Mal wants everyone to think he’s not a nice man, but they all know better. River knows better. Can sense it. Her brother returns the smile, and she’s happy. Happy he’s happy, not worried about her, if even for a moment in time. Because she knows how much he’s given up for her, and she likes knowing that it wasn’t truly everything. Now he has the captain, and that’s something.

She looks at her brother fondly one last time before wondering back out of the cargo bay. Doesn’t need to bother them now. They keep things quiet, even though the whole crew knows.

River walks along the corridors listening to the hum hum hum of Serenity. It’s calming now. Soothing. Even if she knows it won’t last, she allows her self this moment of relaxation. She allows herself this moment to feel safe.

Her thoughts don’t allow it often or for very long. She remembers why she’s here. Why she’s running. Goes back to thinking about all of the things she shouldn’t know, shouldn’t have to think about. And the calm is gone.

She can feel them perusing her. Never stopping. Never stopping. Getting closer. Soon.


End file.
